XXV

I broke down, before i could stand up.

for the first time, in a long time.

im standing.

i remember.

i feel like me again.

im not saying everythings fine. its not. 

theres alot that has changed.

but at the least im me again.

i feel good.

i feel regret. 

i feel ashamed of things ive done.

not just recently but over the years. 

but i feel like i did when i had a clue.

when i could carry the world at such a young age.

thoughts and depressing philosophy aside.

i feel good because i know i can be better now, 

because i can see how bad it was.

i hate that it had to build up this much.

i hate that it took this.

but im standing now.

im not dead here yet.

this isnt there.

theres a no vacancy sign hanging on the gates of hell

and we're not dead yet.