XX.

its at times when i feel i dont know anything that i sit and write like this.

this time, theres no flowers wilting next to me.

You hate what you see in the mirror because it is human.

Because no matter how hard you try to be rid of them. 

you have flaws.

flaws that you like. but try to abolish.

i dont hate them. i study them and grow tired of them.

so that when i change them. it isnt a choice to make.

i just know them. 

know thine enemy i suppose.

nearly a year ago. i broke edge.

ill be honest. to this day, i still feel ashamed.

not for breaking. but for claiming in the first place.

this is not to detriment anyone who calls themselves straight edge proudly. 

i support you. we just do things for our own reasons.

I do the things that i do these days to teach myself about myself.

now i know things.

I can base opinions on them. develop a preference.

so many have said im falling off the rails, ive lost my way.

im building my own track and im not coming to your town.

im just building this track myself. carving every wooden railing.

so that i know it. like myself.

taking any other rail would be ridiculous.

i was never en route to your town.

deep down, ive always been like this. analyze and interpret.

i just lost sight every now and then.

there is no right and wrong. 

i understand that every human has the capacity to slit another mans throat at any time.

i understand that sometimes i do things that are erratic

but does understanding them and giving them reason make them erratic?

im just over ignorance.

i never want to say never again.

and i think this is an paradox in itself huh.

i want to know. not to think.

thats the difference between wisdom and intelligence.