XVIII

it will all be my fault. i know it already and i dont care.
this is better and i know it.
yesterday scared me more than i can relate.
i cant let that be me and i wont so its done.
no matter. any other reason. that is enough.
i cant and wont do that to someone. even if its me that they want.
no.
any other reason feels redundant. i cant let myself be any more of what i hate. theres too much.

i flogged that horse for so fucking long and i thought it moved, or maybe i wasnt strong enough.
but all i saw was it rotting further into the ground.
nothing excuses anything. any reason, is still there, but nothing excuses.
but all i ever have to tell myself is that, i was told this all.
i was told from the beginning.
and i being the fool chose to ignore.
this has all happened before.
i tried more than i can ever relate to anyone.
and there are few that saw that are able to support that statement. but they do.
this has all happened before.
i wasnt the constant.
but i can never excuse myself.
fuck it. i tried so hard.

it takes two to tango.
two sides to every coin.
every fence.
every story.
without understanding that. you never understand anything.
you think you do. but your not looking at the whole picture.

as much as i hate to say it. and i do.
things are for the better.
good riddance.
and honestly. at this point even still. best wishes.